Looks like these uncertain, neverending times that have left me in a limbo for the past 4 years are finally coming to a close...then again, who knows!
Very ironic life is...what a damn cliche but then again cliches are cliches because of their probability factor...itni daffa ek cheez ho gi sub ke saath to hee cliche banay gi na
all this time, reminiscing, homesick bla bla and now we're staying because of good old moi.
ooh that reminds me of aaminah haq in tft...such an easy way to be crude.use 'moi'! waisay ill tell you one thing; after going to quebec i have a newfound respect for french , the french here, that is. i remember feeling damn! i wish i knew this language that these people talk in with such passion, such .. cant find the word...almost jhungliness but in a nice way. the words feel like big objects falling from these people's tongues. You go into any shop wagaira and theres the "bonjour" although they say it "baun-sua" - umm yes that is precisely the point - that i dont even know what im talking about- i just wish i could feel these object-like, full words on my tongue. but i cant. i digress. yes so we are here now because of yours truly and i just don't know what will happen next....so i am going to play along and see whats in store for me. Cant wait to go to Khi for this short trip...and then inshallah one day back for good. i think i have spent about 80% of my time here thinking about this subject, so henceforth the thoughts shall remain lodged in my khi-obsessed brain and not be played-with/said aloud/written-about because quite simply i am sick of my own obsessing.
there has to be an end to this somewhere...but where?

firstly mr bluecheese thank you for yr comments. my comments link seems to work when it wants to and at this time it chose not to, hence my comment here and not in the comments section.

ah my lovelay cheeeeese ... thank you for the marketing. :P

i think in a lot of ways me and a are in the same boat...not quite sure how we feel about the immigrant experience, lots of ambivalence, mixed with a painfully close connection to our parents makes for a whole lot of mixed feelings - or maybe thats just me being a smartass..patta nahi.
plan to go see a movie tomorrow..should have desisted but didnt...i used to do it for the entire 2 months..but now - now is another story. i want to write more but a is watching tv and it keeps interrupting my thoughts. so adios.

interesting week ive had - I was at one point during this week, this close to getting my wish (to go home) granted and what did i do? I hesitated. here i am going bla bla bla bla karachi bla jana bla hai bla. and when the decision to go to karachi is close to being made, I recede. That's me! more talk less action. I worry about the meaningless job, the people there that care little about me but that for some reason, i think will be affected by my going. S knocked some sense into me - yeh tum ko bhool jayaingay aur tum in ko. why the hell do i care so much? why the hell do i make my role larger and more important than it actually is? where do i figure in the great scheme of things ? little crevice of nothingness.
yesterday was interesting. me , s and the other person from work went down to gerard and bought some "ethnic" pakistani stuff for the event. its always cool to go there. Seeing desis with crisp american accents - there is something there- an element of i-recongnize-you, you-are-like-me - when i really dont. :P I think in my warped complexed mind, these people figure as "it" and i feel i am "it" - amalgamated, canadianpakistani and cool- it. had some good biryani and tried in vain to find a shop that sold "pakistani" stuff and not indian. Although personally the boundaries for me are completely flimsy. I think alot of indian stuff passes for pakistani and vice versa. But we looked. And there was one dukaan right towards the end where we found some zenab market-isk stuff. So we bought some. There was actually a lady doing threading just like back home and an older lady sewing clothes. This place even had Generation boutique ke outfits! halelujah! im just looking forward to wearing shalwar kameez at work - that will be very cool.