time is passing by blissfully...there is no keeping track of dates, days and weeks. It makes such a huge difference to be around people...perhaps this is why i crave the family-full drawing rooms of karachi. But everything comes with its fringe benefits (im trying to find a better word but cant) ...life, freedom, independence, boriyyat, depending on people, people depending on you, you being cared about, you caring, the silent grumbling, the sudden spurt of happiness....its all so relative.
It feels good to be busy

sometimes smells and sights can take one back to wonderful places....the other day i was reading some makeup information in an online magazine and it said "never apply more than three colors if your eyes are close-set" or something like that. And it took me back - way back, when three tiered eye makeup was very much in vogue. I remember mum wearing that "look" for her brother's wedding - she had taken me with her to the thai beautician close to our place who had a wonderfully artistic house and was married to a pakistani. her house was like a secret oasis hidden amongst the polluted (strangely i dont recall those streets being as polluted in those days) rough roads of that part of town with her plants and stones and wondefully green entrance. I remember how pretty mum looked even with so many colors on her eyes! pink, green and gold i think it was. i had totally forgotten about the thai lady - totally. and that one sentence bought it all back. those were good days..
the other day i smelt someone's perfume which was the exact same smell as my best friend used to wear...and then another one that reminded me of my honeymoon because i used to use that scent...it bought back the moonlit nights, the balmy beach and the fights sprinkled in between.

having always been the nice, sweet one its hard for me to explain the anger i feel....my friend from olevel days told me its about time i have a baby. what gives her the right? its ok to hear that from my parents or someone whose just saying it because they want that pleasure, but how would my having a baby change my friend's life?? i read those words "its about time" and re-read them to make sure. then i started typing another email but couldnt get the words out of my head..."about time" who decided its about time? i dont want to have to justify my actions..when my parents understand who the hell are you to tell me? they take the moral highground...its not "right" they say. Itna wait nahi karna chahiyay. i know people who've waited 10 whole years, i m not saying thats right or wrong but why should others influence such a private decision? or judge it?
i really feel like emailing back with some nasty response but i know she's just saying what she feels. if your friends cant tell you what they feel, who can i guess..
it just bugs the sh*t out of me. your'e not in my shoes - you dont know sh*t