idealistic, confused, 20something mom rambling about life

Thursday, September 16, 2004

I notice them everytime i go there, which is about once a week. A group of 7-8 Chinese women, conversing noisily in their native tongue amidst a sea of white wedding dresses...its a surreal thing really seeing these women. They are such anomaly in the office building full of people working in a way that i can only capture in the word "strict"...everyone with their jobs, their "HI! how are yoooou?" And the equally deliberate "Ahaan? Yeaah youre doing okaiy?" (someone in my education class once remarked how as a European immigrant, they found North Americans too smiley and equally expectant of smiles on other's faces "why do they expect you to smile all the time?" she said.)
These women are like an oasis in the "professional" desert. Hah- profoundness is something i never pretended to master . Sometimes conveying simple things through words can be very hard. They seem to be seamstresses (female darzis, tailoresses if you will) tacking pins to glorious white outfits that seem to be very weddingsy. Interestingly, the door to their one-room office space is always open - without fail , everytime. You can hear them a few feet down the hall, their merry voices conveying a warmth one can only yearn to be a part of. They are like comrades-ses, how great it must be to have friends as coworkers - or perhaps i read too much into it.Whatever the case may be, the group of Mandarin speaking women in their white background bring a smile to my face everytime i hear them.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

so many love songs...so many ghazals dedicated to the passion we are all expected to, expect to feel one day..love.
But need love be only for a person? I heard a ghazal recently which i loved but couldn't relate to (since fortunately, the person is in my life :) or so i think :P ) and yet I could relate to it when I thought of the city I grew up in and have come to love so passionately. Yesterday, I was around alot of people...it was great but at the same time, I felt a strange longing, a deep need, a desire to be home. I am still not able to call this place home. That makes me feel like a sore loser, a person who keeps repeating the same thing over and over. And yet, this nostalgia, this ache is such a fundamental part of me....how can i not feel it? moreover, how can I deny it?
I am also aware that I am dangerously close to getting my wish granted of going home. I am also aware that it may not turn out to be the best decision of my life in the end...but perhaps I will take that risk.


zinda rehne ke liyay teri kassam
ek mulaqaat zaroori hai sanam