the clock is ticking and i am jobless. i get this awesome opportunity to do a 9-5 job in karachi and surprise surprise. no job. i thought yeah yeah i will get a job easily in my field once i am back but it ain't that easy my friend, snickers fate. i might have to go back to that elitist burger place. theyre the only ones willing to take me at this point. beggars cant be choosers afterall.
baby pressure mounts and yet A seems to be absolutely immune to it. oh why cant i be like that?

i witnessed a very disturbing scene the other day at hillpark. i had gone there with someone who had never been to hillpark and we sat for 1 hour next to the pond with the popcorn eating ducks. as we started to leave, we heard a woman's low voice.."chhoro mera haath" she kept saying. there was a man and an abaya clad youngish woman sitting on a bench and the man was hitting her.right there in front of us.in hill park. he was doing it subtly, and he wouldnt let go of her hand. i stood there, just staring and feeling helpless. i muttered something in a semi audible voice "yeh kya karraha hai - uss ko maar raha hai" or something like that. my throbbing head started to pound horribly. i couldnt move and i couldnt do anything. the man saw me, saw the old lady with me. he kept hitting her and his grip on her hand got tighter. a few seconds later, he let go of his wife's hand and grabbed her purse. "de do mera purse" she kept saying. at this point, i began to feel totally completely helpless and i gave imploring looks to whoever passed by- there was these 2 couples, then a few men. but noone stopped. noone helped. and i stood there like an idiot. finally the man got up, purse in his arm and the woman followed him saying something like "tum kabhi mere laiq thhay hi nahi". and she followed him...the guy who had the gall to hit her in a public place....what must he be capable of at home? jhangli jaahil men. they know bloody well that theyre physically stronger and they take full advantage of it. later someone told me there was nothing i could do - it was between a wife and husband. it was a public place though. and she was a woman. i dont think i have felt this helpless ever.

i am back. i finally have access to the internet. finally.but i do not have word. so i write in notepad :)that sounds like someone speaking bad englishwho the hell cares if you speak bad english man? ooh trust me alotof ppl do. good clothes, good english, 'proper' - oh how i hate those wordsso i get up everyday and wonder...what to do today hmm?after complaining, whining and grumbling for a month and a week i sent my resume to a couple of places yesterday. i have nothing to do and amliterally feeling useless and rusty. so i came here thinking oh ive changed, i ama champ etc etc and bloody hell i cant even speak my mind because...because i dont know. lets get political shall we. i have alot to spew. they allsubscribe to the "poor pakistanis" view - aray baba they bombed the bloody tube!! yes yes these very people amidst us - these people that hate all minorities, thatread with bowed heads going up-down up-down, that want the hasba bill for us,that believe a woman's place is within the walls of a shuttlecock burka. they think there is a zionist conspiracy thats trying to defame pakistanis. all ofthis was done by the jews. ostrich-mentality anyone? introspection haraam!arey baba london had the largest anti-war protest, i argue with my cousin - theydidnt want to go to war - its not the innocent ppl you kill that were pro-war anywayyes but but but they say and speak like the people on tv. brazilian dies so big bruhaha they say'pakistani hota tau kuchh bhi nahi batatay' - victimized, complexed nation we are.
apart from the bs though, its good to be back.