Freedom of "attire"
this time when i went back home, i discovered someone had leaped to the other side in terms of sleeves (the cloth attached to your shirt/top/shalwarkameez from the arm). i.e. they decided to not have any. SO my first reaction was pretty conventional. i was oohing and aahing and saying how "bad", when really its just a missing sleeve!
SO i thought why do i feel this way? i came up with two things. One, because we draw our own boundaries and they become benchmarks of whatever (decency, respect what have you) and when we leap to the other side, we might think its no big deal, but we actually defy those boundaries. Should there be boundaries? should there be so much concern over a sleeve-less outfit? i think not. i think its just that we have nothing to do. But for the benefit of sleeve-lovers, like myself, why would one wear outfits with no sleeves in a place where men oggle at the slightist show of skin, where sleeve-lessness is associated with controversy, and where one will only invite more criticism by wearing the contentious garment? is it worth the "feelin sexay" and having men admire you? Ok now i just sound like an old aunty preaching.
its just a few inches of cloth - but its not the material thats critical, its the boundaries it breaks that are.
Let me end here before i further contradict myself..

I met this lady who said "are you going to be celebrating valentines day?" and i said "not particularly, no" and she said "but its a hallmark holiday!!" and i thought "what the ..??"

i mean, if a commercial playing-on-emotions card producer corporation endorses a holiday, it becomes special?? or maybe hallmark means something else, and im just such a bloody consumer that i dont know what exactly it means..

anyways, yeah so that just really bugged me. Those people working at hallmark have no clue whats going on in individual consumers' lives and somehow these very consumers call their special day a "hallmark holiday"?! mind you, valentines day has become every retail store owners dream come true what with all the emphases on "get her/him chocolates/card/jewellery/something!"
sigh...

walking fast fast in the subway station to reach our bus stop fast fast i was struck with a strange metaphor-ic similarity...the tall gentleman playing his keyboard, his beret looking rather empty with only a few quarters, reminded me strangely of me walking majestically in the hallways of Marriott Hotel..but it seemed strange obviously..the pianist at Marriott playing hauntingly sweet tunes on his piano ushering us in, leading to the elaborate staircase which led to the Crystal Ballroom..what a beautiful name- crystal ballroom- to a shadi (wedding).. the person in the subway sang so sweetlly..his voice echoing, taking me back to pakistan...nostalgia and yearning mixed with a strange sense of revelation..here i was in my winter stuffing, and there at Marriott in my beautiful shalwar kameez with beautiful earings and matching necklace. The latter attesting to my normality, the former to my privelege.. have i really changed?
why, under the coat and scarf and all the stuffing, was i wearing my diamond ring? and the petite necklace that went well with my shirt? why did i have to be like them to go there? why was using public transport so abnormal to them? I want the marriott in the subway in the marriott..

i often find myself walking through the halls of university, looking at all the beautiful people around me (everyone is so damn pretty here!) and thinking how ugly i am. This sudden attack of paranoia (low self esteem you say?) leads me to visit the bathroom and check myself out. And 9/10 times , i look better than the image in my mind - of myself that is. SO that consoles me.
SO yesterday this person looked at me and i wondered, what the hell?! after getting home, i did the same thing - looked at myself and yes! i looked better than i'd thought!
its not that i dont get "luuv" or anything but i think its important to feel beautiful sometimes. Not to be told though. To be stared at. That, my friend makes you feel beautiful.
What pisses me off though, is how much people dress up to come to school! and if there ever was a beauty myth, well it is so believed in my university! i mean everybody is stick thin, with eyeliner and nice hair and nice clothes and nice bags - designer ones, mind you.
These people are in university- they shouldnt be dressing up, they should be shabby and boycotting designer brands .. sigh
now here i am saying that designer stuff is shallow and liking being stared at isn't?