It happened. I am blissfully and happily in the proverbial 'family way' mashallah. You know its strange how we become so protective of the little being inside us, even as we are told it is merely the size of a "jumbo prawn". Saying mashallah, inshallah, alhamdulillah at every possible point to ward off any evil. It took me a long time to get here, but I am here by His grace and hopefully all will go well.
I saw a tv programme a few days ago where a family of 3 moved from England to Italy. They had some savings but were not millionaires or anything. It just made me wonder. Whenever myself and A are disgruntled with the situation here, we reminisce about toronto. Now, though, instead of thinking for a fleeting moment that one day, we could move back, I stop A from daydreaming. "We're going to start a family". But this totally unassuming, good-natured couple i saw had a 5 year old. And they moved. To a completely different place they'd never seen before, hell they didn't even speak Italian. But, and its a big but, life with a kid is easier in our part of the world, atleast relatively. If we move back, and this is just hypothetical lest i sound like a broken record :) , i'd have to work 9-5 which means putting kid into daycare, spending almost my entire salary on day care (and doesn't that defeat the purpose?) and cook and clean. I guess that grass is always greener on the other side. If anyone is a perfect example of thinking that , its me.
No time for regrets and what-ifs now though. Only positive thoughts i am told i should think. But i am human as are all mothers. and the last thing i want is to turn into a goody-two-shoes mom (although some may argue i am a goody-two-shoes in real life...and its not all its cracked up to be). I want to be honest about what it feels like and I hope I have it easier (selfish as that sounds) than the many moms i know...don't we all hope for the same?