its one thing to grumble about the materialism that laces people's conversations in karachi, and its another to actually sit through it. Last night, I couldnt stand this one person...so full of themselves. so pompous, arrogant and bloody ignorant. Not even aware how dumb they sound! All they talk about is how much money so-and-so has made and how they met so-and-so and how if you want a job, they know so-and-so. Screw you man. Thats all i could think about. and to think that A had to sit there and take this s*it. Last night i really missed toronto. Im not saying we knew intellectuals there but atleast we didnt have to hear materialistic-male-chauvnist-bull all the time. My heart goes out to A. Atleast the women talk about more normal things, although there is the occasional reference to jewellery etc. "mein job dilaandoon?" and i replied "source se nahi chahiye" with a very curt, serious expression. but they didnt get it. i was seething. and by the end of it, i vowed never to put my better half thru this again. But what happens then? you get isolated, cut off from everyone. is that not better though? isnt it about time we befriended people we genuinely like and not out of some misplaced sense of obligation? their identities and their money are mutually dependent...they have no realization that some - some of their friends might not be as wealthy as them, or perhaps for some strange strange reason not care about wealth. they go on bragging..and bragging, not realizing how shallow and boring that sounds.

the things we take for granted...so sure i was that after this lovely vacation with my parents, things in karachi would be hunky dory. i would find my dream job and stop thinking about the nagging voice in the back of my head and the constant boredom that i have become accustomed to here. surprise surprise. i come back to find my better half convinced that canada was far better for us. he says it enough times to have me start thinking too. I am happy here. i have asked myself 10000 times and i seem to always say yes! this is where its at. Of late though, the yes is less emphatic, not as confident as it used to be. yes my life there was mundane, and one particular time i was so starved for attention and dawats that i wore my best shalwar kameez. just like that. at home. sitting. alone. thats a scary thought is it not? that my loneliness and boredom bordered on craziness. and yet, i feel a pull. i will go back next year for a short time. i wonder if ill not want to come back. i love it here . i do. but the voice in my head persists and im not so sure afterall.