Ammar was refusing to sleep...and last night, he just kept getting up to nurse. Some nights can be so frustrating and then there are those string of nights where things go smoothly. He is a year old but not walking, something i never thought would happen (dont quite know why). Im not a hyper-obsessed-with-milestones mom but i do worry. Hope it happens soon.

i just read comments left on my blog ages ago! and it gave me the inclination to write again :) so thank you!
Ammar turns 10 months very soon. He has become more manageable and yet very naughty! He tried climbing the stairs today on all fours which scared me since im very casual about his crawling all over the place.
Obama won today. I teared up as we watched the victory speech in the morning. Hubby's family was overjoyed, his cousins and extended family members have funny facebook statuses that allude to their connection (long winding if i my say) to the president-elect. He is a friend of someone in the family and everyone is capitalising on it. The actual person whose friend he is has much more integrity and never boasts of his connection (thank god)...sigh people can be so vain/shallow.
As I visit facebook (sometimes with scary regularity) and get updates on my Canadian acquaintances, I really miss the country. With everything happening in Pakistan, there are so many times I wish we hadn't moved back...but atleat Ammar has his doting grandparents here. That alone is worth being here in some ways.
Went for a lovely ''facial'' today after 10 months ...it felt great. I got massages while ammar was with me at home, but they really dont relax ya. Baby with nana nani and mum at salon, that works much better (although it may sound selfish - i feel obliged to add this bracket)
So much to say, so much time has elapsed.. I miss blogging!

A baby has come :)

into our world
and enriched it
turned it around
and around

life is so different now.there are good days and some are not so good. but without this little doll of a baby, life would be strange. He adds so much to it - mayhem, moments of sheer happiness, confusion, extremity of emotions.
Am contemplating starting a new blog, this one kinda seems baasi...perhaps join the club with other new mothers who blog...wonder if our kids will grown up and read these with the gusto we write them..

39 weeks and counting. The anticipation, the trepidation, the nervousness... so much happening in my brain. Its what all of us hope for - everything to work out. As the country is embroiled in strangeness and violence, new lives begin. May God protect us all.

6 months and counting mashallah. This is the first Ramzan I haven't been able to get up for sehri, feel that almost tangible, magical quality in the air and partake in some good old paratha and salan or cereal or eggs (occasionally). Then anticipate iftar and relish the taste of hot, daal pakoras and hareesa with some lemon-juice laced rooh afza. yum. I miss that feeling..but i am happy to be giving it up for such a genine reason. In all fairness, i do eat iftari with everyone but i just don't feel worthy of it! :P Ramble ramble. The point is, i want to have some sort of record of my pregnancy and so i blog. not to grumble about how i cant fast and am missing out - no, that sounds too whiny. So am getting bigger and students have started asking me "Miss, are you having a baby?" No sweets, i'm just packing on the pounds :) Nahh theyre such sweethearts - atleast most of them - its just kind of awkward to tell your students - yes, im pregnant. Its supposed to be a taboo thing almost as one of my relatives said it "you're going to be teaching till your 8th month?" implying it was suicidal to do so with teenagers as theyd say all sorts of nasty things. What i dont understand is, it is a completely natural process - moreover, they should be able to deal with a teacher whose belly exponentially expands. Were'nt they all 'born' too?
So I am being matter-of-fact about it and trying to take things nonchalantly. I yell at times and then wonder how that will impact the little being in me...the kicks have started, i enjoy talking to the baby now, but its mostly endearments, nursery rhymes, duas and not much else and not for very long. Time just flies by with work and now, Ramzan.
Saw an awesome film yesterday called the Freedom Writers Diaries. Very inspiring...unbelievable what one teacher did for so many individuals.
Too long a post. Have tonnes of work and 0 inclination to get it done, so what else is new? :P

It happened. I am blissfully and happily in the proverbial 'family way' mashallah. You know its strange how we become so protective of the little being inside us, even as we are told it is merely the size of a "jumbo prawn". Saying mashallah, inshallah, alhamdulillah at every possible point to ward off any evil. It took me a long time to get here, but I am here by His grace and hopefully all will go well.
I saw a tv programme a few days ago where a family of 3 moved from England to Italy. They had some savings but were not millionaires or anything. It just made me wonder. Whenever myself and A are disgruntled with the situation here, we reminisce about toronto. Now, though, instead of thinking for a fleeting moment that one day, we could move back, I stop A from daydreaming. "We're going to start a family". But this totally unassuming, good-natured couple i saw had a 5 year old. And they moved. To a completely different place they'd never seen before, hell they didn't even speak Italian. But, and its a big but, life with a kid is easier in our part of the world, atleast relatively. If we move back, and this is just hypothetical lest i sound like a broken record :) , i'd have to work 9-5 which means putting kid into daycare, spending almost my entire salary on day care (and doesn't that defeat the purpose?) and cook and clean. I guess that grass is always greener on the other side. If anyone is a perfect example of thinking that , its me.
No time for regrets and what-ifs now though. Only positive thoughts i am told i should think. But i am human as are all mothers. and the last thing i want is to turn into a goody-two-shoes mom (although some may argue i am a goody-two-shoes in real life...and its not all its cracked up to be). I want to be honest about what it feels like and I hope I have it easier (selfish as that sounds) than the many moms i know...don't we all hope for the same?

I can't believe i haven't blogged in almost 8 months...so much has happened..
Today wasn't a great day. I had my employer critique me and I was greatly disappointed in myself. They haven't given me their feedback yet but I have already done pretty badly in my view. One, with great difficulty chooses their profession and the worst thing that one can feel is...is this really what i should be doing? am i any good? That's why today was so pivotal. I was going to see how good i really am...and the truth, as it is wont to be, is far from perfect.
But life goes on. There are so many more important things to think about...so many. I am the queen of procrastination...i can no longer get work home simply because - it doesnt get done. period. i can no longer do work at home. i prefer to watch Lost or anything on bbcfood, but i will not, no sir, i will not work. I check one book, then get up to grab a snack. then another. then a break. and so on. ugh.
Last week was interesting. I met the parents of one of my loveliest students. They were wonderful. no wonder, i thought. I feel this amazign connection to some of my kids - infact i unwittingly call them that all the time "my kids said this today" and then i pause. here's hoping..