i feel so clueless sometimes...where am i going? where will i be five years from now?
so many things to do, bursting with ambition....yet so ambivalent.
i want to go back to karachi. If not to satiate my homesickness, then to do something with this degree.
i see all these great pakistani people, people i respect, people who have done so much for their communties for underpriveleged Pakistanis, activists, lawyers etc etc and theyre middle aged. That gives me hope.
i mean if i have to do my masters, my phD and have a baby, thats about ten years right there. So by the time i actually DO something, i will be 'middle' aged myself.
Sigh...all this planning. Man plans God disposes sunna hai? Indeed. So lets not go too far in this mapping-out-of-future.
When i got engaged, I had little idea about whati wanted to do in the next three years, now i have plans for the coming ten!
it is selfish of me to want to put myself first...over everything. i dont mean that in a self-sacrificial sort of way...just reflecting. I mean it HAS been 4 years now...it would make everyone so happy if i had a baby. It would make me happy too. But i understand what comes with it. More of this uncertainty, and feeling of being useless..
Allahmian please forgive me.