one more wedding in the family...i remember how last year i was miserable that i couldnt be there for one and this time, that kind of intense desire to be there just isnt there. I mean sure i would have loved to participate, but its not the end of the world that i cant. Yesterday I talked to A about my nostalgia and constant yearning. I hate myself for harping on about it and having nothing else to talk about. I think its more that i rely on those feelings to explain all my moods and emotions. Whenever im even a wee bit sad, it HAS to be because i miss karachi. I idealize Karachi, i idealize my family. Reality my friend, is slightly imperfect. As we walked through the streets of downtown Toronto yesterday, i felt i will miss this if i go back. And since i've been so busy worrying about how much i miss karachi, toronto never factored in. I have changed tremendously in these three years. I can conveniently and almost hypocritically criticize karachi womens' obsession with fashion and making new clothes every two days, but wont i go back and become one of those women?
Im just happy im not being as dramatic about this wedding as i was last year..perhaps i've grown, perhaps ive matured and started thinking its not all black and white.that there are more reasons to this than simply missing karachi. perhaps this is temporary and tommorow ill go back to being homesick all over again