they sent me a picture...i didnt miss being there. for a change. I just looked at the perfect hair, makeup and bodies and felt sorry...sorry for myself that i couldnt see the fun in that, the joy, the pleasure of looking good. I just wish one person was different. But no, they all looked gorgeous. right to their kohl lined eyes. Beautiful eyes. But i was sad, very sad, recalling the other weddings. older ones. when it didnt matter how straight our hair was. all we wanted was to dance. now all we want is to be admired. whats wrong in that you stupid morbid moron, i ask myself? i like being admired too. but there's something about it that just irks me. maybe its like opium of the unadmired. just like religion is the opium of the masses, maybe this belief that looking good is superficial is my opium, it keeps me from being like them, from looking good, it keeps my level of selfesteem pretty low. is that cliched? contradictory?profound? no. im just asking, why have i become so negative? why am i so full of shit?is all this sociology getting to me? touching a nerve? changing me?